soup sandwich

Hello to the blogger world from Iraq. No, not I rock but Iraq, where road side bombs and shooting at "things" are exciting when M.W.R. (morale, welfare and recreation) trips to the local bars and strip clubs or red light districts (yes, they still have those in Germany) are unavailable. I will try to give you an insight to daily life around here on a F.O.B. (forward operating base for you civilian pukes).

Daily life for me starts around O dark thirty waking up to call my Princess (Michele) back home in the civilized United States of America. I use the word civilized loosely because it seems on the news that America is not all that civilized with all the crazy shit I read in papers and see on the internet. After my internet phone call through yahoo messenger to my baby I head out for the gym to break a sweat then come back and get ready for a boring day at work. During the day the most excitement I get is when I'm aerial target practicing (taking a #2) and reading the Latrine Times (writings on the shitter walls). Stories on there can range from "I fucked your momma", "no you didn't" to just some off the wall comments bored Soldiers leave on the walls. It makes for an awesome time occupier. From there I deal with ignorant people of all ranks. I get a kick out of seeing the stupidity in people. Yes, it does get to me most of the times but as they say "stupidity is not a crime, so you are free to go." So, what am I to do? I get to listen to latrine rumors spread by Soldiers with nothing else to do but make up lies about anything that comes out of their mouths. I feel like I am back in high school again with the immaturity of some of the guys. After work I go back to my room and get in touch with my Princess again. By that time she is just arriving to work to start her day. I go eat at the local "Ryans" establishment provided by KBR (kellogs brown and root). The food there is ok. You have a short order line where if you are trying to fatten up that is your line. Mostly cheeseburgers fresh off the grill, french fries, fart power (baked beans), small circular pizzas and other things. They have a main line that offers other foods, mostly a 3 course meal. A salad bar, sandwich bar and dessert bar. If I dont feel like eating there I can go to the Haji ran Subway or Pizza Hut.

I have been to Afghanistan (APR 07-MAY08), S. Korea (Dec 00- DEC01) and Germany for two months back in '99. All at the expense of our tax dollars. Well except when I am deployed to vacation spots such as Iraq or Afghanistan. This is my second volunteered combat tour. I enjoy what I do and I do it well. Big headed, no, I am just confident in my abilities to do the job my superiors order me to do. Things I have done on deployments: midnight driving range using the liquid from chem lights and pouring it on the golf ball while using a bottle cap as a tee. Drive the golf ball and watch it through a pair of NVG's (night vision goggles).

Learned to ride a cross country dirt bike in Afghanistan and if any one of you have been there, you know the terrain is very unforgiving. I have the scars to prove it. I drove that same cross country dirt-bike out of the back gate of our FOB wearing no body armor or carrying a weapon through the mean streets of Kandahar. If anyone has kept up with the happenings there knows that Kandahar is the worse place to be in Afghanistan. So, I rode the bike out of the back gate made a left to throw off anyone wanting to put me in their cross-hairs and busted a bitch (U-turn) and went back in the opposite direction as fast as I could and made my way back to the front gate and came back on the FOB. That was pretty fun.

I went on the roof top one night at this one place on the Pakistan border to have a smoke and saw a bunch of tracer rounds going back and forth over in the mountain ranges of Pakistan...I thought hmm, this is entertaining, so I went back down stairs and rumaged through the pile of broken folding chairs from our nights of drinking "flavored gatorade" and popped a bag of popcorn in the microwave and walked my happy ass back upstairs to watch the "firework show".

I've aquired some steaks on one of my last nights there and had a cookout with the guys from my team and put the cooked steaks we didn't eat into the fridge in our tent. Later that night we got a mortar and rocket attack on us and made our way out to the bunker just out the side door of our tent. This one guy on my team "Cookie" said, "damn, I'm hungry" so I told him we still had steaks left over in the fridge and that we should go back in there and get them. So we did and while we were in there a couple more rounds impacted on our base. We got back out in the bunker and these Marines who were new to Country were looking at us like we were crazy. You are right, we are and damn proud of it!

The very first time I had a rocket attack on us was when I was in the shower. Now, let me explain these showers first and how they are done. We do what's called a "combat shower". Let me give you the directions so if you want to try it out at home I guarantee you will save a bunch of money on your water and power bill. First off you get naked and grab your shower shit. Get in the shower...turn the water on...get wet. Turn the water off...at this time Murphy's Law kicks in and the cool air starts to blow. Well all guys know that when cool air hits your cock and balls everything pulls the turtle affect and tries to hide on ya. So now that you are wet and freezing your ass off you put shampoo/conditioner in your hair and put soap on your body...wash vigurously, and then turn the water on...rinse off. Turn water off and get out of the shower. You have your "combat shower". As I was getting out of the shower and walking naked over to the Haji built benches drying off at the same time I heard what sounded like a car flying over head stuck in 1st gear at high RPM's. I was like what the fuck is that? At about that same time so "joe" walked and almost pulled of the Home Alone scene where the kid does that scream and his hands to the side of his face. This guy just did the scream though "we are being mortared". I was like oh shit, for real? I got my underamor (thank you underarmor for keeping my balls nice and cool in this hot as place) on and threw my wife beater on and walked into the tent we were staying in and saw everyone else going out of the opposite end. I caught up with everyone else and we went into the concrete bunker with other people. I was catching a bunch of odd looks probably because I was free balling it in my sporty underarmor and the majority of everyone else had their body armor on and shit.

I put you into some of my experiences that I will share with you all. I may share a few others as time goes on but for now I'll keep it at these. Roger, Out!